It's been a while

Yikes!! It has been that long???

So sorry for the break in transmission. I promise to blog at least once a month and vist all frequent haunts and leave comments. Most of my blog roll blogs have gone and left me. So not fair!

So what have the Lopes Appreciation society up to??

Lopes is enjoying school and doing us proud.
BabaLopes is just the bees knees and I am fine and dandy. I guess there is no great angst that requires unburdening at this time so the blog has not longingly called me to it's bosom.

I got a job! Well okay, another job so now I work 3 days at one and have combined my previous hours with my original employer to 1 day. So I work, 4 days a week. 2 days in the office and 2 days at home and I still run my business. More fool me. I have to stop and praise full time working mums. Being a mum is a full time job but to add external work, is nothing short of madness. I am enjoying it and loved it even more when the first paycheque hit my account. I must admit that it seems like money for nothing really as I am enjoying the job and the work, while being a stretch, is right up my excel/access/database street. It was always my motto to work like a rat and eat like an elephant.

Talking about elephants, nice link, I am sure I look like a small one. Fell off the wagon very slowly but determined not to take as much time to get back on. Will be dusting off the wii fit in the next day or so.

So due to the fact that I now work hard, I have a lady who comes in one day a week so she is home when Lopes gets homes from school. Coming home the last time she was here was a blast. Left work early so I could miss the dreaded traffic on the North Circular and got home to a nice gleaming house, Tolu out of her school clothes and fed and the general air that meant I could just come in and lounge. Finally getting to the life I was born to live.

Driving is going well and I can now confirm that I am road rager. I do get angry when people come up beside me in traffic and cut in. My question to them is "Do you thing I came to sell peanuts here?" followed by a race to the finish. I win most times but will not encourage myself. Not good for the blood pressure. No more crashes and no points, though I am sure I was in a bus lane a month ago. Hopefully their cameras were awash with rain.

Hope anyone who experienced the great snowstorm of London at the beginning of February had a great time. We stayed at home, built snowmen and basically took time out. Was great to recharge our batteries. I leave you with the second thing Lopes said to us this morning after she crept into our bed. Happy New Month. (The first was Happy New Year!)

(Ignore any errors. Hands moving faster than brain and no time to edit. Off for bedtime routine. New week ahead and still loads to do)

Our promise list for 2009

KML
I promise not to tell Lopes to shut up.

Lopes
I promise to listen to my mummy and not sing loudly when she is on the phone as this prompts her to tell me to "Shut up" and that is a rude word.

There. Our resolutions done.

It's been a while since my last post. I have not taken to drinking hard liqueur, well not too much of it. Still a lot unresolved and I am really unsure as to where I want to get to or if I want to get there.

Therefore, I have labelled 2008, my Annus Horribilis Mirabilis. The latin bit comes from my upbringing in the Catholic Church! Actually the term I used was A CRAP YEAR. But not wanting to be ungrateful to God, the Mirabilis, wonder and miracles, bit was appended as I do have a lot to be grateful to God for. I am still here driving happily and have not crashed in a while. Lopes is flourishing at school and just turned 5. We had a high school Musical party which was great fun and I had the opportunity to show off my lack of hula hooping skills in front of all Lopes' friends and their mums and dads.

So roll on 2009. Things will get better and as my grandfather ZMN used to say "And this too shall pass"

Here's to a lovely end of year and wishing you all you wish for yourselves and more in 2009.

Just there. Also titled: A little madness is good for the soul

Darkness, Despair all deep in the pit. No more fight in the not so old gal. "Just there".

I try and fail to feel anything and then trying seems such a chore. I spoke and spoke and nobody heard and then I spoke no more. I used to think the thoughts and then one day, nothing. Not a single thought. Even when I tried hard, the grey cells just refused to ignite.

Hmm. What to do now? The almighty impasse. I used to think of ways back before the journey,
But now I am "Just there". What happened to the little fighter, the one who always echoed "And this too shall pass"? She passed on, or was it just the fight that died? Hope was always there when called upon but I have not seen the old friend in a while.

My eyes are open, yet I see nothing, the words are there, yet they do not come forth to comfort me. I feel the coldness and I do not even crave the warmth anymore. Too much effort needed to light the fire. Resignation is paramount, resistance is futile. Tears fall but then only for a moment and they too, gone too soon before they make a difference.

Cold, cloying cold, has been seeping in for so long and has become the norm. It now feels good to be told, no scratch that, nothing feels anything anymore. My very being seems separated from me and is floating in the ether. At the edge looking down and nothing holds me back. What would it be like to just let go, what would it be like to fly away?

I remain unmoved, unyielding, again "Just there" For now.....

Please sell me some fish

No not obokun or tilapia :) Just some goldfish.

5 years ago, when we moved into our home, my sister gave me a brand new fish tank. BabaLopes always had highfalutin plans like making holes in walls and embedding things while I think we should just put it on a stand. So for 5 years the tank languished on top of the fridge/freezer while we tried to reach a compromise.

Please let me digress a bit. The fridge/freezer in question is one of those huge American fridge freezers that dispense water and ice. How I wish it will clean itself and make dinner. Anyway, when the freezer men delivered the freezer, we noticed that the door could not open fully as there was a wall in the way. My solution: Return it and buy a smaller more sensible fridge. BabaLopes' solution: Break down a piece of the wall in the way and refuse to do the finishing touches for yonks afterwards. So you see my wahala with installing anything new. Same with the new telly, I agreed we could drill holes in the wall, put a new bracket it and hang the telly on the wall but I refused to have any holes in the wall for the wires to be embedded in the wall. Digression over.

As we had half term looming, I realised that I could not be the only source of entertainment in the house and decided to set up the fish tank and get some fish as some sort of science lesson. Read up on the trusty google and realised it was not as simple as just filling up the tank with water and throwing a few fish in. You have to set up the water, gravel, plants and ornaments and put in a water treatment chemical and then let it all run for 7 days. Not one to listen to instructions, I just put the water in with the water treatment and then set it up to run. After a few days I realised that the inbuilt filter was not working and decided to get a standalone replacement and the ornaments and gravel.

So I met Gav at the pet shop and £40 later we left the shop with some plants, gravel, a filter and an ornament in which the fish can hide when they are bored of being looked at. Got home, set it all up and then today, 5 days later, decided to go and get some fish. I saw Gav again and blatantly ignored his offer of help in case he remembered us. He did, came up and refused to sell me fish even tough I was economical with the truth and pretended we had tested the water and all was fine with the water. He said No. I did point out that dead fish meant more business for them, but he still refused to sell me the fish and told me to come back on Monday! (Note to self. You can't lie to save your life so don't even try!) Hmph.

Ah well, I had to make some chocolate crispies with sweeties on top as entertainment in lieu of goldfish.

Ps. We went to get goldfish. But they had at least 12 tanks with all sorts of coldwater fish. I want some algae eaters that stick to the tank, keeping it clean and Lopes wants pink fish. Help! Any suggestions welcome. I have told Lopes that fish do not last forever so she is expecting them all to die after a month and we have a budget for fish replacement.

Today at work I updated my blog :)

I am sitting at my desk at work and wondering if there is a better place to be at the moment. Under the duvet at home with Lopes is one place I would love to be. She is on half term, 2 whole weeks, and did not want me to go to work today. It’s getting cold so I have been drinking copious cups of tea and hot chocolate. I tend not to drink coffee as the caffeine is a real drug and makes me speak my mind more than usual. More drinks mean more visits to the bathroom and so I take my phone with me and surf the net and lately have been tempted to set the alarm and have a nap! Our bathrooms are quite salubrious which is very surprising and have full length doors, none of those western saloon type doors that makes it easy for people to sneak a peek or catch a whiff if you know what I mean!

Lopes is doing well at school but I have been told that the legendary lower lip has made a couple of appearances. You see, Lopes is a master sulker and shoots out her lower lip when she wants to promote a semblance of tears or simply does not want to do as she is told. Her teacher has mentioned that her participation in some things is entirely her choice and if she is further cajoled to participate, the lower lip comes out. I was tempted to cost the school on a per day basis but that won’t really help me. I did cost my university education on a per lecture basis as I was beginning to slide and miss lectures. My parents were paying overseas fees and here was I sleeping away their hard earned cash. Once I calculated the cost per lecture, I never missed one again. See where I got my love for numbers.

Talking about money, Lopes seems to think that anything can be bought with the money from her piggy bank. I am beginning to believe it as she manages to take money from her dad and myself and says she is keeping it for us. I have taken to raiding her piggybank for change to pay the bin wash man as I never seem to have the £2 coins handy. As I always seem to find money there, I am beginning to think she has a secret she needs to share with me. The Credit crunch would be sorted then by Lopes’ oinking piggy bank. She actually has 3 piggy banks so I will be keeping the other 2 as my pension fund.

Re: the Credit Crunch, my mum has taken to calling me with snippets of news she gathers on her DSTV channels. God help us with all the negative news. I refuse to believe that it is as bad as it is being painted. What rankles, however, is the call to cut back. I have always shopped clever and love my share of bargains and so far the only way I have found to cut back is to make sure the lights are turned off. I used to be quite bad with leaving lights on. I will not compromise on the heating and refuse to shiver and wear my woollies indoors.

I have, thanks to my crochet-mad friend Omara, resurrected my love of knitting. I started knitting a sweater about 18 years ago and sort of left it halfway done when I started University. Never had the heart to throw it away and can’t finish it as the pattern was for a size 12 and I am definitely not a size 12 top anymore. To think I thought I was big then! My first assignment is a scarf for Lopes and I will be posting my results here soon. My weight is beginning to creep back up but I am now slowly getting back in control. As I have stopped walking since I started driving and started eating foolishly since my mum came and left, the fat cells are in a conspiracy against me but I am getting back into the groove. Was never really a happy fatty.

I have discovered Facebook under my real life persona and have found so many of my old friends but very useless at making new friends. Don’t really see the point of having too many new friends. Anti-social me. What I don’t understand is why people feel the need to ask you to be one of their friends when you have nothing, except another friend, in common. People have been known to get offended if you do not accept them. Bullying on the internet. No I do not want to be your friend and I do not want to be anything more, no matter how cute my profile picture is. The same goes for Skype!

So on a jolly note, it’s 64 days to Christmas and 71 days till the New Year and I have nothing planned. Not sure where we will be, London or Lagos and just going with the flow. What I will not be doing this time around is my year end introspection. Send me all your plans and I just might tag along :) I do have a party to plan in December. Lopes will be 5 and she has been planning her party since her last one. We will be grooving to songs from High School Musical 1, 2 and maybe 3 as that comes out in the UK today. In case anyone is coming from America to London with space in their suitcase, please let me know. I have party things to order. I have been told that I get carried away with the party planning but I absolutely love it. I think I love it too much and it became very apparent when a mum with the girl in Lopes’ class suggested that we share the party as the girls’ birthdays are quite close. In my head, I was screaming “Don’t want to share, it’s my party!” Common sense prevailed and I picked up the toys I had thrown out of my pram and acted like I was an adult which was no fun.

Postscript

Okay this was typed over 3 hours, numerous spreadsheets have been analysed and I have made 2 trips to the bathroom and taken 2 phone calls. Thank God I am off work next week else I might just have quit. Bored, Bored, Bored. A cup of coffee might just push me over the edge. Off to make a brew. Over and Out

Hmph!

So......

I know, have been too engrossed in the minutiae of ordinary life and now I am paying for it. School runs, coffee mornings, work, business etc etc. Missed all my blogs I regularly read and comment on but promise to make amends very soon.

Driving is still fun. I have driven up and down the M1 a couple of times on my own as Lopes tends to chatter and might be a tad distracting. Had great fun. Oh, have also reversed into a stationery junk truck, but thankfully not on the motorway. Slight prang in the rear of the car but the junk truck escaped unscathed. I have been told to expect a couple more prangs. Will be installing the gadget that beeps to warn of impending bumps. Already have a speed camera one as I am still a bit speedy. Wonder why I am always in a hurry!

All this talk about the credit crunch is worrying but in my house has been cause for amusement. Lopes brought down a box of cereal and renamed it credit crunch. This was after some friends and I were talking about it last night and I said in a positive confession, "We do not have credit crunch in this house" My daughter sought to prove me wrong :)

Overall mood for me is general disenchantment. A bit peeved at the mo with things happening around me and hoping the legendary Kemi Snap does not appear. It is never pretty and has only happened once before. Hmm. Sounds ominous eh?

Back to driving. Off again on aforementioned motorway with Lopes this time. Wish me luck.

So any gist for me? How have you all been? Calabar gal has upped and left.

First day at school

Hopped out of bed at 6.45am, mixed the batter for pancakes as decreed by Lopes, mooched about a bit, made pancakes and then woke Lopes up. Quick shower, dress up and bribe Lopes with promises of treats to get her to eat her breakfast and then hopped into the car. Turned back, ran back inside to get glasses without which I am an even bigger hazard and zoom off to school. Missed the turn, turned round and sat in even more traffic and finally made it to school.

I wondered why some children and mums were sniffling and waved happily at Lopes and went back home. Then collapsed into a heap on the sofa and had a good cry! Off to bed, pick up just after noon as it's a half day.