And I thought I had escaped deep introspections for a while as I had the baby to think about.
Went out to a friend's for a dinner party with a subset of my sista friends. Deep questions that made me think about certain things for the first time and this song sums up my thoughts..
I hope some good answers come through and that they do not lead to more questions.
Off to bed. It's 12.42am and I am teaching in Sunday School tomorrow :) That will definitely cheer me up. Children have a way about making things easier.
Saturday, 4 July 2009
Saturday, 27 June 2009
Metamorphosis
Lopes found a caterpillar a couple of weeks ago and decided to study the life cycle of a butterfly/moth.
So we put it in a container with a leaf and the next day, it had wrapped itself up in a corner of the leaf and sealed itself in. Must have been an old caterpillar!
We diligently checked it and then BabaLopes told us it was probably dead as the leaf was so dry and we should have watered it. So we forgot about it.
Last night, Lopes brought me the container and it had the loveliest moth in it. The moth was dead. That brought a tear to my eye. Gone before it had a chance to really spread it's wings and lived most of it's life in a container, being poked and prodded and called upon to entertain.
Reminds me of Michael Jackson. The Great MJ. Thank you for the music. Now you can rest.
My Precious First Born
It's 3.19am and I am awake. 2 reasons. First, the night wake up calls to wee and Lopes woke up. Bad dream about the police!
Over the last couple of months, once I found out that we were having a baby, I have looked at Lopes in a different light. I am lucky because she really wanted a sibling and used to pray about it every night, I am just sad that our days of Mum and Lopes only will soon be over. So, I have let her get away with many things, especially as I do not want her to feel left out. She must stop coming to our bed at night though. Not sure there will be space for 4 of us, but I am sure she will find a way. I find myself watching her with a wry smile as she sleeps and wondering where the last 5 and a half years have gone. While trying to get her to go back to sleep after her police nightmare, she opened her sleepy eyes and said "Your face is so beautiful Mummy and I like the sound of your voice". I must find a way to reserve some Mum and Lopes days after MiniLopes is born.
Last night, tv was awash with programmes about Michael Jackson and Tolu had 101 questions. I said he died because he had a poorly heart and it was his time to go. Luckily she did not connect that she was born with a poorly heart as I don't think we ever actively mentioned it. She did mention that she was poorly sometimes and did not die. I ended up searching for the We are the world song on youtube and she then told me to write out the chorus and the fact that Michael Jackson had died. She wondered whey we never got to see him when he was alive and demanded that we go to North America just in case.
Now there's a thought. Find out sex of baby, Shopping in North America over the summer holidays. Hmmm...
It's not 3.41am. Time for snack.
Over the last couple of months, once I found out that we were having a baby, I have looked at Lopes in a different light. I am lucky because she really wanted a sibling and used to pray about it every night, I am just sad that our days of Mum and Lopes only will soon be over. So, I have let her get away with many things, especially as I do not want her to feel left out. She must stop coming to our bed at night though. Not sure there will be space for 4 of us, but I am sure she will find a way. I find myself watching her with a wry smile as she sleeps and wondering where the last 5 and a half years have gone. While trying to get her to go back to sleep after her police nightmare, she opened her sleepy eyes and said "Your face is so beautiful Mummy and I like the sound of your voice". I must find a way to reserve some Mum and Lopes days after MiniLopes is born.
Last night, tv was awash with programmes about Michael Jackson and Tolu had 101 questions. I said he died because he had a poorly heart and it was his time to go. Luckily she did not connect that she was born with a poorly heart as I don't think we ever actively mentioned it. She did mention that she was poorly sometimes and did not die. I ended up searching for the We are the world song on youtube and she then told me to write out the chorus and the fact that Michael Jackson had died. She wondered whey we never got to see him when he was alive and demanded that we go to North America just in case.
Now there's a thought. Find out sex of baby, Shopping in North America over the summer holidays. Hmmm...
It's not 3.41am. Time for snack.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
And the news from our end...
It is official. KML is with child (How twee is that??)
I have not really being away from Blogsville. I was just updating a hidden blog which I will unhide today. KML TTC
Funny how life seems to stop when you are not feeling well but it is off now with renewed vigour. Still not enough energy and strange eating patterns but we are fine.
BabaLopes is bemused and has become the chief cook and bottlewasher. More of the bottlewasher really and Lopes is as pleased as punch. Her prayers are to blame for all this. Thank God for the mercy he had on me as he did no grant Lopes her wish as she wanted TWINS. You wan kill me!
I have noticed that a few of my beloved blogs have gone awol or simply vanished. Will be off to search for some more.
I do need refresher courses as I have forgotten everything that I learnt with Lopes. Will happily accept offers of food and love and attention. Come on, you know you want to. I love fish and chicken and since MamaKemi arrived on Monday, fried stewed goat meat.
Off to digest my Amala and ewedu.
I have not really being away from Blogsville. I was just updating a hidden blog which I will unhide today. KML TTC
Funny how life seems to stop when you are not feeling well but it is off now with renewed vigour. Still not enough energy and strange eating patterns but we are fine.
BabaLopes is bemused and has become the chief cook and bottlewasher. More of the bottlewasher really and Lopes is as pleased as punch. Her prayers are to blame for all this. Thank God for the mercy he had on me as he did no grant Lopes her wish as she wanted TWINS. You wan kill me!
I have noticed that a few of my beloved blogs have gone awol or simply vanished. Will be off to search for some more.
I do need refresher courses as I have forgotten everything that I learnt with Lopes. Will happily accept offers of food and love and attention. Come on, you know you want to. I love fish and chicken and since MamaKemi arrived on Monday, fried stewed goat meat.
Off to digest my Amala and ewedu.
Sunday, 1 March 2009
It's been a while
Yikes!! It has been that long???
So sorry for the break in transmission. I promise to blog at least once a month and vist all frequent haunts and leave comments. Most of my blog roll blogs have gone and left me. So not fair!
So what have the Lopes Appreciation society up to??
Lopes is enjoying school and doing us proud.
BabaLopes is just the bees knees and I am fine and dandy. I guess there is no great angst that requires unburdening at this time so the blog has not longingly called me to it's bosom.
I got a job! Well okay, another job so now I work 3 days at one and have combined my previous hours with my original employer to 1 day. So I work, 4 days a week. 2 days in the office and 2 days at home and I still run my business. More fool me. I have to stop and praise full time working mums. Being a mum is a full time job but to add external work, is nothing short of madness. I am enjoying it and loved it even more when the first paycheque hit my account. I must admit that it seems like money for nothing really as I am enjoying the job and the work, while being a stretch, is right up my excel/access/database street. It was always my motto to work like a rat and eat like an elephant.
Talking about elephants, nice link, I am sure I look like a small one. Fell off the wagon very slowly but determined not to take as much time to get back on. Will be dusting off the wii fit in the next day or so.
So due to the fact that I now work hard, I have a lady who comes in one day a week so she is home when Lopes gets homes from school. Coming home the last time she was here was a blast. Left work early so I could miss the dreaded traffic on the North Circular and got home to a nice gleaming house, Tolu out of her school clothes and fed and the general air that meant I could just come in and lounge. Finally getting to the life I was born to live.
Driving is going well and I can now confirm that I am road rager. I do get angry when people come up beside me in traffic and cut in. My question to them is "Do you thing I came to sell peanuts here?" followed by a race to the finish. I win most times but will not encourage myself. Not good for the blood pressure. No more crashes and no points, though I am sure I was in a bus lane a month ago. Hopefully their cameras were awash with rain.
Hope anyone who experienced the great snowstorm of London at the beginning of February had a great time. We stayed at home, built snowmen and basically took time out. Was great to recharge our batteries. I leave you with the second thing Lopes said to us this morning after she crept into our bed. Happy New Month. (The first was Happy New Year!)
(Ignore any errors. Hands moving faster than brain and no time to edit. Off for bedtime routine. New week ahead and still loads to do)
So sorry for the break in transmission. I promise to blog at least once a month and vist all frequent haunts and leave comments. Most of my blog roll blogs have gone and left me. So not fair!
So what have the Lopes Appreciation society up to??
Lopes is enjoying school and doing us proud.
BabaLopes is just the bees knees and I am fine and dandy. I guess there is no great angst that requires unburdening at this time so the blog has not longingly called me to it's bosom.
I got a job! Well okay, another job so now I work 3 days at one and have combined my previous hours with my original employer to 1 day. So I work, 4 days a week. 2 days in the office and 2 days at home and I still run my business. More fool me. I have to stop and praise full time working mums. Being a mum is a full time job but to add external work, is nothing short of madness. I am enjoying it and loved it even more when the first paycheque hit my account. I must admit that it seems like money for nothing really as I am enjoying the job and the work, while being a stretch, is right up my excel/access/database street. It was always my motto to work like a rat and eat like an elephant.
Talking about elephants, nice link, I am sure I look like a small one. Fell off the wagon very slowly but determined not to take as much time to get back on. Will be dusting off the wii fit in the next day or so.
So due to the fact that I now work hard, I have a lady who comes in one day a week so she is home when Lopes gets homes from school. Coming home the last time she was here was a blast. Left work early so I could miss the dreaded traffic on the North Circular and got home to a nice gleaming house, Tolu out of her school clothes and fed and the general air that meant I could just come in and lounge. Finally getting to the life I was born to live.
Driving is going well and I can now confirm that I am road rager. I do get angry when people come up beside me in traffic and cut in. My question to them is "Do you thing I came to sell peanuts here?" followed by a race to the finish. I win most times but will not encourage myself. Not good for the blood pressure. No more crashes and no points, though I am sure I was in a bus lane a month ago. Hopefully their cameras were awash with rain.
Hope anyone who experienced the great snowstorm of London at the beginning of February had a great time. We stayed at home, built snowmen and basically took time out. Was great to recharge our batteries. I leave you with the second thing Lopes said to us this morning after she crept into our bed. Happy New Month. (The first was Happy New Year!)
(Ignore any errors. Hands moving faster than brain and no time to edit. Off for bedtime routine. New week ahead and still loads to do)
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Our promise list for 2009
KML
I promise not to tell Lopes to shut up.
Lopes
I promise to listen to my mummy and not sing loudly when she is on the phone as this prompts her to tell me to "Shut up" and that is a rude word.
There. Our resolutions done.
It's been a while since my last post. I have not taken to drinking hard liqueur, well not too much of it. Still a lot unresolved and I am really unsure as to where I want to get to or if I want to get there.
Therefore, I have labelled 2008, my Annus Horribilis Mirabilis. The latin bit comes from my upbringing in the Catholic Church! Actually the term I used was A CRAP YEAR. But not wanting to be ungrateful to God, the Mirabilis, wonder and miracles, bit was appended as I do have a lot to be grateful to God for. I am still here driving happily and have not crashed in a while. Lopes is flourishing at school and just turned 5. We had a high school Musical party which was great fun and I had the opportunity to show off my lack of hula hooping skills in front of all Lopes' friends and their mums and dads.
So roll on 2009. Things will get better and as my grandfather ZMN used to say "And this too shall pass"
Here's to a lovely end of year and wishing you all you wish for yourselves and more in 2009.
I promise not to tell Lopes to shut up.
Lopes
I promise to listen to my mummy and not sing loudly when she is on the phone as this prompts her to tell me to "Shut up" and that is a rude word.
There. Our resolutions done.
It's been a while since my last post. I have not taken to drinking hard liqueur, well not too much of it. Still a lot unresolved and I am really unsure as to where I want to get to or if I want to get there.
Therefore, I have labelled 2008, my Annus Horribilis Mirabilis. The latin bit comes from my upbringing in the Catholic Church! Actually the term I used was A CRAP YEAR. But not wanting to be ungrateful to God, the Mirabilis, wonder and miracles, bit was appended as I do have a lot to be grateful to God for. I am still here driving happily and have not crashed in a while. Lopes is flourishing at school and just turned 5. We had a high school Musical party which was great fun and I had the opportunity to show off my lack of hula hooping skills in front of all Lopes' friends and their mums and dads.
So roll on 2009. Things will get better and as my grandfather ZMN used to say "And this too shall pass"
Here's to a lovely end of year and wishing you all you wish for yourselves and more in 2009.
Saturday, 1 November 2008
Just there. Also titled: A little madness is good for the soul
Darkness, Despair all deep in the pit. No more fight in the not so old gal. "Just there".
I try and fail to feel anything and then trying seems such a chore. I spoke and spoke and nobody heard and then I spoke no more. I used to think the thoughts and then one day, nothing. Not a single thought. Even when I tried hard, the grey cells just refused to ignite.
Hmm. What to do now? The almighty impasse. I used to think of ways back before the journey,
But now I am "Just there". What happened to the little fighter, the one who always echoed "And this too shall pass"? She passed on, or was it just the fight that died? Hope was always there when called upon but I have not seen the old friend in a while.
My eyes are open, yet I see nothing, the words are there, yet they do not come forth to comfort me. I feel the coldness and I do not even crave the warmth anymore. Too much effort needed to light the fire. Resignation is paramount, resistance is futile. Tears fall but then only for a moment and they too, gone too soon before they make a difference.
Cold, cloying cold, has been seeping in for so long and has become the norm. It now feels good to be told, no scratch that, nothing feels anything anymore. My very being seems separated from me and is floating in the ether. At the edge looking down and nothing holds me back. What would it be like to just let go, what would it be like to fly away?
I remain unmoved, unyielding, again "Just there" For now.....
I try and fail to feel anything and then trying seems such a chore. I spoke and spoke and nobody heard and then I spoke no more. I used to think the thoughts and then one day, nothing. Not a single thought. Even when I tried hard, the grey cells just refused to ignite.
Hmm. What to do now? The almighty impasse. I used to think of ways back before the journey,
But now I am "Just there". What happened to the little fighter, the one who always echoed "And this too shall pass"? She passed on, or was it just the fight that died? Hope was always there when called upon but I have not seen the old friend in a while.
My eyes are open, yet I see nothing, the words are there, yet they do not come forth to comfort me. I feel the coldness and I do not even crave the warmth anymore. Too much effort needed to light the fire. Resignation is paramount, resistance is futile. Tears fall but then only for a moment and they too, gone too soon before they make a difference.
Cold, cloying cold, has been seeping in for so long and has become the norm. It now feels good to be told, no scratch that, nothing feels anything anymore. My very being seems separated from me and is floating in the ether. At the edge looking down and nothing holds me back. What would it be like to just let go, what would it be like to fly away?
I remain unmoved, unyielding, again "Just there" For now.....
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