My name is Kemi and I am an empath!

There, I said it.

I used to think I was strange and fake when I passed a car that had broken down and turned round to give the driver my can of Coke Zero.

I wondered why a beggar on the street bothered me so much that I would ask if they had eaten and then go to the nearby KFC and get them a meal. 

I wondered why I felt moved to go the nearby café and get a drink for the men from the council clearing the dead branches from the trees in my area. My reasoning was that it was cold and they needed a hot drink. I had no money in the car and had to ask my husband for some coins and almost lied as I felt it was difficult to explain what I needed the money for. On the way back, I checked and they had gone.

I was trying to explain this to my daughter recently and the perfect example unfolded as we were discussing it in the car. On our way shopping, we saw a car parked oddly at the side of the road. I told her about the previous time we stopped and gave a similar driver a drink. But I did not have a drink in the car and I was not sure the car had broken down. So we drove on and finished shopping. On the way to pick up my son from school, we saw the car again, this time with the front bonnet open, but we were in a rush and still had no drinks in the car. I felt guilty that I did not consider this person and get a drink for him and check he was fine. 

I ask myself why I do this. Is it to show off that I am a good person? Is it to get brownie points from God so he can bless me? Why?? If anyone can answer this, I would be highly appreciative. All I can say is that it is sometimes annoying and always leaves me feeling guilty if I do not obey the instructions to empathise. Sometimes, I just want to be able to sympathise and say something nice and move on (not knocking those who do this, believe me, I say this with great envy) Any cure for this pretend sainthood?

I am burdened with my own but I feel obliged to carry the burden of others. One great difficulty is when I need someone to do what I would do and I get upset when it does not surface. I remember when I was pregnant and asked my friends for food and no one obliged. Apparently I was too fussy about what I liked (Hmm, I need to let go of that, the child is already 6!)  And then I realise that we are all wired differently and move happily on, till the next time.

See, I started each paragraph with I. Not all that, you see. Sometimes self-centred :)

Have a great day xx

And I put this on a new blog that I opened. But I have now decided to continue with this one. Continuity....



I find myself at the beginning of a brand new blog years after I started the previous one. Seems like a lifetime away and I have locked the old blog away.

So, I am me.

With loads of random musings

But you can be certain of a few things.

I will talk about my Faith

I will talk about Food

I will talk about My Family

I will talk about Autism

And sometimes, I will be quiet.

See you around.

Hello!

It has been so very long.

And I have decided that I need to come back to the blogging world. But need a break from this blog and a new start. New blog coming up shortly.

A lot has happened in 4+ years.

So, how have you all been?

Anybody still here?

Will look closely later xx

Are you there Dad, it's only me xx

Ahhh. It's being a long 6 months since my Dad died and most of the days have been good and then some days have been downright awful. You never know how hard it'll hit till it happens. My Dad was almost 90 but even that has not made it easier.

So I''ll send him a little message. ( Please humour me, no one really reads the blogs now anyway :)

Hey Dad, we are all good. Would be better if we had just one more conversation. Your granddaughter is doing well at school, amazingly she is also doing well in gymnastics and in music. Those talents must have skipped so many generations!!

Your grandson will be 2 next week. A bit worried as he is not speaking yet. Could you have a word with God and him, please? It does worry me immensely.

Remembrance Sunday was quite moving today as I could finally feel what others who have lost someone feels. An empty hole that you hope will fill up in time but gets smaller but never really goes away.

O digbe re, Ipade doju ala. Love you Pops.

Bye Daddy

On the 7th of May, my darling Dad went on ahead. You see, I was the last child for about 20 years and I absolutely loved my Daddy. We sometimes went for ages without speaking and then will speak regularly. It all happened so quickly as Dad gave us 7 days to bury him so I had to go to Nigeria in a mad hurry.

A few months ago, Dad phoned and said his favourite slippers were on their way out. I had bought him 2 pairs as he liked them and wore them everyday and both pairs lasted about 7 years. So I began my search for another pair and could not find them anywhere. I sent a replacement and he said they were a bit tight and I said they would stretch as they were leather. He also wanted some underwear and I got him 6 sets. When we went to pick Dad up on the morning of the wake keeping, they dressed him and put him in one of the underwear sets I sent home. I wish I had dropped a note in the coffin, though I am not sure what I would have written on it.

On top of my freezer, I think I have a pack of Clan tobacco. Dad used to smoke a pipe and that smell in an air conditioned room transports me back. I forgot to send them home in the last parcel and was going to send them with the next person going home. One day when I am strong enough, I will burn a bit of the tobacco just to smell my dad.

I spoke to him the day before he died, and I knew he could hear me but I could not really hear him. My last words were, ,"I will call you in the morning. I love you Daddy" We always ended our phone calls with me saying "I love you Daddy" and my Dad will say "Thank you". You see, he was old school and would never say I love you. Instead he showed it. I remember my love of reading started because my Dad always made me read and bought me loads of books. He used to get me the encyclopedia for my age set and I am still looking for the set I had when I was about 7. He used to read to me and our favourite shared book was King Solomons mines. I read the book every couple of years and I am due another read but I cannot bring myself to read it. One day, I might.

Dad was always huge on education and effort. Apparently, I have his hands and look the most like him. Can't really see it myself but I find myself looking in the mirror now trying to spot all the similarities. For now, I have good days where I function well enough and then desperately bad days, where waking up is such a chore. It hurts so violently and I find myself wishing I could just hide away for a while. But life must go on and the children need me.

My overriding fear is that I will forget the sound of his voice and all his little quirks. He had a habit of fiddling with his ring and tapping it whenever he was bored. He always walked very fast and I remember running after him, trying to keep up with his strides when he was going to the office. I used to go along to read and drink tea and biscuits with the secretary. He had an expressive smile and deep belly laugh and he used to eat pounded yam with a fork and knife. For an Ondo man, he never ate with his hands :)

I wish I did not believe in God so much as I desperately want to consult a psychic. I just want to say hello and have Dad say hello back. Is that too much to ask?

Where has the year gone???

Anybody out there??

Time really flies when you are having fun or in my case severely sleep deprived. Fems is one year old now. Yikes, can't believe I have been away from here for this long. I blame the demise of most of my favourite bloggers and the lack of time to discover news ones.

Sooooo, fill me in on all the gist, please, please, please. Till I catch up, I have to live vicariously through all of you.

Will pop in again. Snow has been forecast for London. Hoping it won't affect Lopes' party. She will be 7 soon. Na wah o. I am becoming an old mum. All's good sha.

Will be back soon xx

And we have a baby.....

Boy :)

Born almost 5 weeks ago weighing 6lbs. Lopes is absolutely enamoured and if he had a penny for every kiss from her, he would give Bill Gates a run for his money!

He will be known as Thomas which is the name Lopes gave him when I was pregnant. I found out it means Twin and never has a name being so true. He looks so much like her when she was his age and they even have the same mannerisms. So far, 2-nil as none of my children look like me. As we are not having any more, I guess I have to be happy that my children have my complexion! With each pregnancy, we prayed that God should take the best from each parent and add whatever we are lacking in to give us the best package. Needless to say, none of my children have my temper! Thank God for that, as I am the trouble maker in our household!

So apart from sleep deprivation an Thomas creating his own hole in the ozone layer due to his wind from both ends, we are getting ready for Christmas.

In the meantime. Lopes turned 6 and had a lovely party when Thomas was 2 weeks. Not bad after a complicated section with forceps!

So 4 weeks later, I am at least 4kgs less than I was just after I had him. Off for last minute Christmas shopping. Tree not up yet and it's Christmas eve!

Enjoy. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow the merriment continues!