Thursday, 19 April 2007

I am grateful...


This was written in 2005 as a testimony I wanted to send to my pastor. I did not want to be called up so I chickened out. It is a bit long even after my edits!


Here is our Testimony.


On the 23rd of July 2003, I was sitting at my desk at work, when the Holy Spirit said “Go to the Bathroom and say 7 Alleluias, the time of your breakthrough has come” Now, God speaks to me often, but whether I hear is another story. I always say, when I hear from God, there is no escaping. Anyway, I paused, thinking to myself how odd it was. I stood up and went and did as I was told. I was 3 months pregnant at the time and had been having loads of trouble at work since I told them I was pregnant. I had already consulted a lawyer at this time as they seemed to be putting a case together to get rid of me. I later found out that 7 was the number of completion.

A director came to my desk and asked if we could have a meeting to discuss some work which was odd for 4.30 on a Friday. I went to the meeting and was told that I was being dismissed as I was incompetent etc etc. I had worked with them for just under 2 years. We went through the motions and had further meetings and the last thing my boss said was that “While I had a good case and would make a credible witness, he would drag the case till my children were in school” My lawyers were sure we had a great case. My favourite prayer for my employers was Psalm 109 asking God to totally annihilate them! Thank God that I was not answered. I will pick up this later.

We went into hospital on the 1st of December to have our baby and after a few hours with minimal progress, a Doctor came into the room and after examining the heart rate of the baby, he said he was going to operate straight away as it showed the baby had the cord round its neck. The midwife and other doctors were unhappy that he wanted to operate straight away as there were other cases but he remained adamant that it must be done before his shift finished in the next hour. The midwife asked if we were related.(The doctor later visited us in recovery and also came to see us on the ward before we were discharged. We found that he trained under my father in law in UCH) On the 2nd of December 2003, I gave birth to our daughter by emergency CS after 19 hours and she did have the cord round her neck. It was also discovered that due to her position in the womb, she had a problem with her knee as the ligaments were overstretched. Basically, if she kicked out her left leg, the knee did not stop the leg from folding on itself, which thankfully I did not see it. We had all the x-rays of the knee, hip etc. I recalled the word a friend gave me during my pregnancy Proverbs 10:22 “The blessing of the LORD makes one rich, And He adds no sorrow with it”. My pastor prayed with this same verse when he came to visit us in hospital. We were given a splint to put over her knee and we were told we would have appointments at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital in Stanmore.

When she was about 8 days old, we noticed that her hands and feet were swollen and went to the GP who sent us straight to hospital. When we got there, they tried to take a blood sample but her limbs were too swollen. We were told to come back the next day for more tests and before we left we were told that swollen limbs was one of the symptoms for Turner’s syndrome which meant Tolulope had only one X chromosome instead of 2 and would not be able have children. We got home, got on the internet and got all the information we could about Turner’s syndrome and prayed against it as anything that had a name had a knee which would bend to the Lordship of God. We returned the next day and they took the blood samples and told us to make an appointment to see a consultant to discuss the results which they would rush through the labs. I then told them that we were not coming in to discuss any results as my daughter had no syndrome and that they should call when the results are through. A few days later we got a call that she did not have Turner’s syndrome and that there was no explanation for her swollen limbs.

However we were told to come back for a heart ultrasound as a heart murmur was picked up. At the ultrasound, we were told that Tolulope was born with a hole in the heart but that they would like to see us in a year’s time to reassess it

Back to the work situation, we went to the Tribunal on March 2 and 3 2004. All 3 directors turned up and told a good story. Actually, they lied quite well. My main witness was unable to testify as she had initially promised, as she was scared of losing her job. Anyway, we lost which I naively believed was impossible as I thought all I had to do was tell the truth. We had huge legal fees to pay but God came through and we paid the bills. I did complain bitterly that we had better use for the money, but a friend told me to thank God that at least we were able to pay it. That was when I realised that I had limited God, I thought my promised breakthrough was to win the case and get a huge payout.

After a few weeks, in April 2004, I started an online business and then a few months later, got a part time job. I get to work with excellent people part time, run my business full time and spend quality time with my family. If we had won at the tribunal, I would have summed that up as my breakthrough. I have since realised that the beginning of the breakthrough was for me to leave my old job but as I was refusing to budge, I had to be pushed but not before God gave me a word that it was well. I have also realised that the richest man is not one who has the most, but one who needs the least.

Incidentally, there is no lasting effect of the knee problem and Tolulope started walking on Christmas day. At the appointment for the update on the hole in the heart, were told that the hole is all but closed up and Tolu won’t be having surgery. I am sure there is no hole there now as the update was over a year ago and they want to see us in 2 years.

So now I choose Joy.

Thursday, 29 March 2007

And here we go again.



And so the slow slide into my twice yearly introspection begins. It’s usually not pretty and I tend to wallow a bit. I do this once at the end of the year and again when my birthday is approaching. For those who like to plan ahead and book flowers in advance, I will be 35 on the 28th of April. 35 seems a bit more significant as it’s halfway though the allotted Three score and ten years and I am not going to wait till I am 40 and find that I am still a bit of a fool.

Loads of questions are asked and I never seem to have answers to them. So this year, I thought I would share my questions.

What have I achieved so far?
I usually take the glass half empty stand but I am forcing myself to look at the positive. I have a lovely daughter, a husband I think I undervalue a lot, food to eat (It has been said that the contents of both my freezers can see us through a 3 month famine:), a roof over my head and love in my heart. So why I do I still feel empty and very tired. There is something missing and all I have so far cannot fill the chasm. This leads me on to my second question.

Am I where I thought I would be?
No. I have to accept that the standards I set for myself are a bit tough. I need to accept that my aspirations have to be achievable else I am setting myself up to fail. So I will try the no expectations route for 6 months.

Why am I still overweight?
I have the answer to this in an Oprah Aha moment and will blog about this soon) Bottom line, I do not like myself enough.

Why am I not happy?
Dunno.


Hey ho. One day, it will all come together and I will look back and think I was such a fool to beat myself up over things I really had no business worrying about. So again, my late grandpa’s words ring true “And this too shall pass”

One thing I have strongly resolved to do is to speak my mind clearly to all without the room for misinterpretation. My friend Bernie said I did this a lot when I was pregnant and has sworn to flee the country when next I tell her I am pregnant! I think the time has come in my life to cut out all the deadwood and things that do not add to me. Sounds selfish but having spent the previous 35 years being the nice girl, the gloves are off. Sounds ominous. What this space for the fallout!!


Resolution for April
Do at least 2 things I have wanted to do and never did. Outlandish ideas welcome.

Saturday, 10 March 2007

This and that

Saw this on Vixen's blog and just had to share. Brought tears to my eyes





While I was watching this and wailing, Lopes starts calling me from her bed saying "My nose is running" That made me laugh. She has this viral cough, cold thing. After a year of Harry Belafonte's Try to remember" as her bedtime song, we have found a new one. A friend sent the song to my phone and it is playing in an infinite loop on my phone as we speak in Lopes room.




Ahh. Just found the Harry Belafonte film of Try to Remember on Youtube. Quite strange. This was the first time I heard the song on the Night of a 100 stars. I was 10 years old. Off to bed before I put all my favourite songs in one post!



PS. Played the youtube video of the Harry Belafonte song for Lopes this morning. The smile on her face just makes the last 2 sleepless nights worth it :)

Wednesday, 7 March 2007

That Was The Week That Was

This was an exercise suggested by Pilgrimage to Self

A time log of my week. Was not supposed to be this long!!

My Background
Work Part time
Run an online retail business
Mother of a 3 year old


Monday (Work day)


7am. Wake up. Get out of bed at 7.30. Make a few phone calls and sort out flight details for Father in Law. Have shower
8am. Get daughter up, shower, breakfast and get her ready for nursery. How come I can never find matching socks in the morning. Note to self. Have everything ready the night before.

9.15. Leave house and drop Lopes off at nursery at around 9.45 and get to work for 10am.

10am – 2pm. Work, work and more work. Loads of spreadsheet analysis. What fun. 15 minute meeting, Should have been about an hour but I left after my bit on the schedule. Hate meetings, especially those that don’t really impact on my role.

2.15pm. Off home. Nice work if you can get it.

2.45. Stop at Brent Cross for some shopping.

4pm. Get home. Have a snack and start making dinner. Offload dishwasher and give the dishwasher a clean with the new fangled dishwasher cleaner. The jury is out on that product. Sucker for advertising, me!

6pm. Where has all the time gone? In the last 2 hours, I have cooked dinner, laid out some clothes and downloaded, formatted orders for packing and printed out labels. Sent emails etc. Did some grocery shopping on Tesco.com. Absolute Godsend.

DH and daughter arrived around 6.30pm. Dinner and some writing practice for Lopes and TV on in background.

8pm. Lopes and I had a long soak in the bath. What decadence! Dragged wrinkly selves out of bath at around 8.45 after topping up bath twice with more hot water.

9pm. Story and bed for Lopes. Sang three verses of Harry Belafonte’s Try to remember. This has been Lopes’ lullaby for about a year now!

9pm – 11pm. Pack orders, weigh orders and stamp orders. Put in mail bag for mailman (DH) to take to post office tomorrow.

11pm. Prayers and Sudoku and Bed.


Tuesday(Home day)

8.30 am. Wake up to kisses from Lopes. “It’s wake up time, Mummy!”

Quick shower and breakfast for Lopes. I have a shower while she eats breakfast.

9 – 10.30 Clear out kitchen and sitting room (We had decorators in last week) Get extra junk bagged and put in bin for bin men. Sorted some laundry.

10.45 Breakfast for me and then loaded clean dishwasher and loaded washing machine.

11.30– 12. Some writing for Lopes. Dot to Dot is such fun. Did some colouring and painting as well.

12.30. Off to Lopes Class

1pm. Drop Lopes off and as I have to pick her up at 2.30, I go to a friend’s house nearby. Leave at 2pm to get the bus on time. I will start driving soon, I promise :)

2.30. Pick Lopes up and head home. Take bus to station and taxi home. I could have gotten up 2 stops before the station and we could have walked home but Lopes fell asleep on the bus. I must start driving soon, please God.

3.30. Get home and get Lopes some Lunch.

4 – 5pm. Emails, orders, blog visits.

5pm. Get some soup out of freezer in readiness for dinner and then veg out in front of telly. Cbeebies is such fun! I am sure I watched some reruns of Diagnosis murder as well or was that a dream.

7pm. Dinner for DH, Lopes and I.

8pm. Bath and Bed for Lopes. Storybook( Emily’s busy day) I must wean her off this book. We have read it so many times but she won’t budge.

9pm. Go up to pack orders but needed some stock from shed. Gave up and went to bed instead. Read till about 11pm


Wednesday (Work day)


Same as Monday except for some reason, I was totally exhausted and left work at 1pm. Stopped at Brent Cross Marks and Sparks for some chicken etc and then came home. Dropped shopping and went to check on Old Lady across the street I had not seen for a while. She had apparently fallen down the stairs around 9 weeks ago (Shame, Kemi!!) so stayed and had a chat. Got back home around 3pm.

Came home and watched Columbo while eating lunch. Refused to get off the sofa till the end and then started making Dinner. I love M&S. Chicken, clean add ready to roast, veggies ready to microwave, stuffing ready to roast and mash potatoes all done. Perfect comfort food for wet weather.

6.30. DH and Lopes get back some

8pm. Lopes bed time routine. Tried a new book and failed.

9pm. Packed all the orders, weighed, stamped etc.

Was up till around midnight. Decided to do some admin and listing and stuff.


Thursday (My day off)


8am. Got out of bed and crept downstairs to put clothes in drier, from Tuesday, and more washing in machine. Laid out breakfast for Lopes

8.30am, Woke Lopes up and got her ready for nursery. Shooed DH and Lopes out as fast as I could.

9.30am. Quiet, peace at last. Put doors on my new workstation which is great. You put all your junk in and then you can close the doors and everywhere looks tidy. I love Ikea. Spent the next 5 hours (I kid you not!) sorting out the sitting room. All Lopes toys go in bottom of workstation, books on top and the middle section has my laptop, printer and all my business bits and bob. Packed a whole box of toys for the loft and another box of Hubby’s tools.

2.30. Sit down to breakfast or should I say lunch. Stay on Sofa after that till around 4pm. I have earned this break.

4 – 5pm. Wash bathroom, mop floor and intended to wash the kitchen floor. Gave up when I could not find the water compartment for the floor washer. Grrrr. I moved this when the painters came in and now cannot find the bits, Oh well.

5.30. Dinner. I love the fact that I got soup in the freezer from the caterer. Makes some days easier than some.

6.30. Day off over, DH and Lopes back.

DH gave lopes her dinner and a shower while I vegged out some more. She got a story but no bedtime song!

9pm. Hotel Babylon and Dinner and then bed.


Friday (Lopes and Mummy Day)

Forgot to pack orders last night so I packed them this morning.

No work, no nursery.

Did not log today as we played and watched videos and ate such junk food. Spent my day so inefficiently, I loved it! Read and napped and surfed and emailed and caught up on phone calls and admin etc.


Summary
Must be an African thing but it’s usually me who does all the looking after my daughter and the house and I must admit that rankles a bit. Will I have another child???

Housework takes a lot of time so a cleaner might be on the cards once I get the house tidy enough!

TV
I have the attention span of a gnat. I have only watched about 5 programmes from start to finish this week. All others are on in the background. Even my favourites, CSI and all other detective and forensics programmes are being relegated. I find www.tv.com invaluable as I read up on the storylines I have missed.

Business
I must find an efficient way to answer customer emails. They just ask stupid questions sometimes!! Need to do some more market research and supplier info etc. Need more time. Might take a week off work and see what I can come up with.

DH
We do not spend enough time together as a couple. Hmmm. Babysitting anyone?

Friday, 9 February 2007

Men are like that, you know.

I just had to post this :)


A man wants to get married.

He is having trouble choosing among three likely candidates.
So, he gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man is impressed.


The man thinks for a long time about what each woman has done with the money he's given her.


Then, he marries the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that, you know.

Thursday, 8 February 2007

Snow everywhere, good to look at but .....


it makes a right mess in London.

DH got Tolu to nursery just before 11am, I know it starts at 8am, and was told that due to them being short staffed, they could not take her. Now, why was I not called at the crack at dawn to warn me that my freedom day was cancelled this week? You see, I work on all the other days Tolu goes to nursery and this is the only day I am at home when she is at nursery. So you can understand my fury when DH called from nursery to say they could not take her.

I sensed the calm in his voice, which is a perfect complement to the storm that is his wife, me. I asked to speak to the lady who was there and the first thing she does was not to apologise but to say that there was nothing they could do. Well, red rag to a bull. I went off on my well known tirade that starts off with a polite reminder that nothing I am about to say is personal but I intend to shout.

Well I got my apology and nothing else, but a letter will be winging it's way to their office on Monday when I have had a chance to review the hastily written one that I am sure is libellous and includes death threats.

So, I had my daughter at home today and she really wanted to build a snowman. Snowman ko, I wanted to stay indoors with a good book, I have about 6 to read, and a hot chocolate complete with marshmallows. So we compromised and went outside, threw a few snowballs at imaginary bumblebees and spiders which she hates and came back in. I meant to take some photos but forgot the camera indoors and it was too cold to dawdle.

I also learnt a novel way to get her to eat some potatoes with her chicken. I reminded her that she loves crisps and they are made of potatoes. That worked for about 3 mouthfuls and the novelty wore off. Any ideas for broccoli and other veggie will be gratefully received.

So now, off to make some dinner and lament the loss of another freedom day. Roll on next week.

Sunday, 4 February 2007

In honour of the upcoming Valentines Day, apparently this is me.





You Follow Your Head



You're rational, collected, and logical.

Generally, it takes you quite a while to fall in love.

In fact, you've even been accused of being very picky.

While you're cool, you're not ice cold.

You just know what you want, and don't mind waiting to get it.