There, I
said it.
I used to
think I was strange and fake when I passed a car that had broken down and turned
round to give the driver my can of Coke Zero.
I
wondered why a beggar on the street bothered me so much that I would ask if
they had eaten and then go to the nearby KFC and get them a meal.
I
wondered why I felt moved to go the nearby café and get a drink for the men
from the council clearing the dead branches from the trees in my area. My
reasoning was that it was cold and they needed a hot drink. I had no money in
the car and had to ask my husband for some coins and almost lied as I felt it
was difficult to explain what I needed the money for. On the way back, I
checked and they had gone.
I was trying
to explain this to my daughter recently and the perfect example unfolded as we
were discussing it in the car. On our way shopping, we saw a car parked oddly
at the side of the road. I told her about the previous time we stopped and gave
a similar driver a drink. But I did not have a drink in the car and I was not
sure the car had broken down. So we drove on and finished shopping. On the way
to pick up my son from school, we saw the car again, this time with the front
bonnet open, but we were in a rush and still had no drinks in the car. I felt
guilty that I did not consider this person and get a drink for him and check he
was fine.
I ask
myself why I do this. Is it to show off that I am a good person? Is it to get
brownie points from God so he can bless me? Why?? If anyone can answer this, I
would be highly appreciative. All I can say is that it is sometimes annoying
and always leaves me feeling guilty if I do not obey the instructions to
empathise. Sometimes, I just want to be able to sympathise and say something
nice and move on (not knocking those who do this, believe me, I say this with
great envy) Any cure for this pretend sainthood?
I am
burdened with my own but I feel obliged to carry the burden of others. One
great difficulty is when I need someone to do what I would do and I get upset
when it does not surface. I remember when I was pregnant and asked my friends
for food and no one obliged. Apparently I was too fussy about what I liked (Hmm,
I need to let go of that, the child is already 6!) And then I realise that we are all wired
differently and move happily on, till the next time.
See, I started each paragraph with I. Not all that, you see. Sometimes self-centred :)
Have a great day xx
