Sunday, 10 April 2016

Wheat from Chaff, Rules of Social Media Engagement, yada yada yada….

Background details.

I put this comment recently on FB: It's the inclusion of all, even those you would never have interacted with that's the problem. When it then gets messy, as it would when wheat is not sorted from chaff, it becomes difficult for me to say "Well, what did you expect?" I am a snob. I own it

A few days ago I put up this message: And I am always amazed by the reaction of my people. Same situation, exactly the same issue. But one was most gracious and understanding. Choose your caucus carefully. Do not cast your pearls before swine. Have a great week ahead.

And then: I was looking for an FB friend today as I had not seen her on my timeline for a while, I rarely visit pages and just rely on my timeline to keep me informed. I saw I had been “unfriended”. Apparently, she was having issues with a mutual friend of ours and decided to lose a few friends! So I was a tad irritated as the “gatherfight” attitude that some have. If you fall out with my friend, please do not expect me to pick sides, unless I also have a direct issue with the same friend.

So this got me thinking. The lady who unfriended me, a lovely lady by the way, was well within her rights to protect herself. And this is one thing that I realise that I have not been doing. In the heady world of FB friendship, I have forgotten something very important. My name is Kemi and I am a snob! I guard myself closely and have done so all my life. So when in moments of weakness, I let some people in, I always kick myself later.

I had started this blog post a while ago and saved in the Draft as I never seemed to finish it. The above three points have now made it imperative that I put up this post.  It’s a bit of a stream of consciousness as most of my posts are but here goes!

The world is getting increasingly smaller and social media has played a great part in this. While this is acceptable in most cases, there is a small point. You know how we gravitate towards certain people based on all our principles, upbringing, education etc etc?  Well, the internet has blurred those lines and we cannot rely on our simple sense to make sure we don’t make massive errors of judgement. So, here you go.   

KML’s rules of Social Media engagement

  • Be true to yourself. It’s a good thing to expand your coast, but you really should not expect that people you would not touch with a barge pole in real life will be any different because they are hiding behind a name and a set of pictures on social media.
  • Do not expect that because you have some vague similarities eg nationality, sexual preference etc, that you will be well suited for meaningful friendships. As you would in the real world, you will find that the similarities are not enough to build a friendship.
  • Have low expectations. Don’t expect people to be what you see on the outside. Sometimes, it’s a perfect façade and you will get hurt.
  • We attract what we portray. Come across as a hard-nosed, condescending and mean person and soon enough, you’ll have a ragtag bunch of similar people in your posse.
  • There are some amazing diamonds. Some still in the rough, but amazing.  Dig carefully and you will be utterly surprised that people like that still exist.
  • The bottom line. Choose Social Media friends the same way you choose friends in real life. You do not meet a friend and then share all your history in one day, so why will you do the same on social media. Slow and steady.
  •  And another bottom line. Sometimes the rules above mean nothing. You meet someone and you are totally blown away and find that despite all the differences, they are amazing. The rules and experience and all the sensible bits, mean absolutely nothing! 
And I went to my list of friends and realised that one more person has taken me off! Oh dear, I guess I am not the only one thinking that I need to refine my lists :) 

Saturday, 2 April 2016

Stop the world! I want to get off.

A slight feeling of unease. Can't seem to put my finger on it but it's here. Like a dark shadow in the room. And a quick look at the calender confirmed it! 

My birthday month now and the inner judging has started. And I always fail the inner tests. I do this twice a year, my birthday and year end. I should have realised that it would not be too good as year end 2015 was not a good one. It was a hide away from the world time and I find that I am doing that even more?

Where am I now? Better than this time last year? What have I achieved in the past year? And the answers are never favourable because I have not yet found a way to be kind to myself. I promise myself each time that I will find a way to be kinder but each time I can't seem to find a particular way to do this. I expect others to listen to me when I tell them to good things about them, all the lofty heights they have reached with little or no encouragement from the outside world. So, why is it hard for me to listen to them? Or even harder to listen to myself? 

So I will put it out here.
In the past year:
I have made amazing friends 
I have moved the children further down the line on their journey in the world with great results. 
We finally finished the loft extension and the children are in their own rooms. 
And we are still all alive.

But the nagging bits still remain. I shall not give them the light of day and will keep them hidden. There they shall stay, unacknowledged and hopefully will fizzle away without the light to give them life. Until then, one of my favourite phrases: And this too shall pass.

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

My name is Kemi and I am an empath!

There, I said it.

I used to think I was strange and fake when I passed a car that had broken down and turned round to give the driver my can of Coke Zero.

I wondered why a beggar on the street bothered me so much that I would ask if they had eaten and then go to the nearby KFC and get them a meal. 

I wondered why I felt moved to go the nearby café and get a drink for the men from the council clearing the dead branches from the trees in my area. My reasoning was that it was cold and they needed a hot drink. I had no money in the car and had to ask my husband for some coins and almost lied as I felt it was difficult to explain what I needed the money for. On the way back, I checked and they had gone.

I was trying to explain this to my daughter recently and the perfect example unfolded as we were discussing it in the car. On our way shopping, we saw a car parked oddly at the side of the road. I told her about the previous time we stopped and gave a similar driver a drink. But I did not have a drink in the car and I was not sure the car had broken down. So we drove on and finished shopping. On the way to pick up my son from school, we saw the car again, this time with the front bonnet open, but we were in a rush and still had no drinks in the car. I felt guilty that I did not consider this person and get a drink for him and check he was fine. 

I ask myself why I do this. Is it to show off that I am a good person? Is it to get brownie points from God so he can bless me? Why?? If anyone can answer this, I would be highly appreciative. All I can say is that it is sometimes annoying and always leaves me feeling guilty if I do not obey the instructions to empathise. Sometimes, I just want to be able to sympathise and say something nice and move on (not knocking those who do this, believe me, I say this with great envy) Any cure for this pretend sainthood?

I am burdened with my own but I feel obliged to carry the burden of others. One great difficulty is when I need someone to do what I would do and I get upset when it does not surface. I remember when I was pregnant and asked my friends for food and no one obliged. Apparently I was too fussy about what I liked (Hmm, I need to let go of that, the child is already 6!)  And then I realise that we are all wired differently and move happily on, till the next time.

See, I started each paragraph with I. Not all that, you see. Sometimes self-centred :)

Have a great day xx

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

And I put this on a new blog that I opened. But I have now decided to continue with this one. Continuity....

I find myself at the beginning of a brand new blog years after I started the previous one. Seems like a lifetime away and I have locked the old blog away.

So, I am me.

With loads of random musings

But you can be certain of a few things.

I will talk about my Faith

I will talk about Food

I will talk about My Family

I will talk about Autism

And sometimes, I will be quiet.

See you around.