Sunday, 10 April 2016

Wheat from Chaff, Rules of Social Media Engagement, yada yada yada….

Background details.

I put this comment recently on FB: It's the inclusion of all, even those you would never have interacted with that's the problem. When it then gets messy, as it would when wheat is not sorted from chaff, it becomes difficult for me to say "Well, what did you expect?" I am a snob. I own it

A few days ago I put up this message: And I am always amazed by the reaction of my people. Same situation, exactly the same issue. But one was most gracious and understanding. Choose your caucus carefully. Do not cast your pearls before swine. Have a great week ahead.

And then: I was looking for an FB friend today as I had not seen her on my timeline for a while, I rarely visit pages and just rely on my timeline to keep me informed. I saw I had been “unfriended”. Apparently, she was having issues with a mutual friend of ours and decided to lose a few friends! So I was a tad irritated as the “gatherfight” attitude that some have. If you fall out with my friend, please do not expect me to pick sides, unless I also have a direct issue with the same friend.

So this got me thinking. The lady who unfriended me, a lovely lady by the way, was well within her rights to protect herself. And this is one thing that I realise that I have not been doing. In the heady world of FB friendship, I have forgotten something very important. My name is Kemi and I am a snob! I guard myself closely and have done so all my life. So when in moments of weakness, I let some people in, I always kick myself later.

I had started this blog post a while ago and saved in the Draft as I never seemed to finish it. The above three points have now made it imperative that I put up this post.  It’s a bit of a stream of consciousness as most of my posts are but here goes!

The world is getting increasingly smaller and social media has played a great part in this. While this is acceptable in most cases, there is a small point. You know how we gravitate towards certain people based on all our principles, upbringing, education etc etc?  Well, the internet has blurred those lines and we cannot rely on our simple sense to make sure we don’t make massive errors of judgement. So, here you go.   

KML’s rules of Social Media engagement

  • Be true to yourself. It’s a good thing to expand your coast, but you really should not expect that people you would not touch with a barge pole in real life will be any different because they are hiding behind a name and a set of pictures on social media.
  • Do not expect that because you have some vague similarities eg nationality, sexual preference etc, that you will be well suited for meaningful friendships. As you would in the real world, you will find that the similarities are not enough to build a friendship.
  • Have low expectations. Don’t expect people to be what you see on the outside. Sometimes, it’s a perfect fa├žade and you will get hurt.
  • We attract what we portray. Come across as a hard-nosed, condescending and mean person and soon enough, you’ll have a ragtag bunch of similar people in your posse.
  • There are some amazing diamonds. Some still in the rough, but amazing.  Dig carefully and you will be utterly surprised that people like that still exist.
  • The bottom line. Choose Social Media friends the same way you choose friends in real life. You do not meet a friend and then share all your history in one day, so why will you do the same on social media. Slow and steady.
  •  And another bottom line. Sometimes the rules above mean nothing. You meet someone and you are totally blown away and find that despite all the differences, they are amazing. The rules and experience and all the sensible bits, mean absolutely nothing! 
And I went to my list of friends and realised that one more person has taken me off! Oh dear, I guess I am not the only one thinking that I need to refine my lists :) 

Saturday, 2 April 2016

Stop the world! I want to get off.

A slight feeling of unease. Can't seem to put my finger on it but it's here. Like a dark shadow in the room. And a quick look at the calender confirmed it! 

My birthday month now and the inner judging has started. And I always fail the inner tests. I do this twice a year, my birthday and year end. I should have realised that it would not be too good as year end 2015 was not a good one. It was a hide away from the world time and I find that I am doing that even more?

Where am I now? Better than this time last year? What have I achieved in the past year? And the answers are never favourable because I have not yet found a way to be kind to myself. I promise myself each time that I will find a way to be kinder but each time I can't seem to find a particular way to do this. I expect others to listen to me when I tell them to good things about them, all the lofty heights they have reached with little or no encouragement from the outside world. So, why is it hard for me to listen to them? Or even harder to listen to myself? 

So I will put it out here.
In the past year:
I have made amazing friends 
I have moved the children further down the line on their journey in the world with great results. 
We finally finished the loft extension and the children are in their own rooms. 
And we are still all alive.

But the nagging bits still remain. I shall not give them the light of day and will keep them hidden. There they shall stay, unacknowledged and hopefully will fizzle away without the light to give them life. Until then, one of my favourite phrases: And this too shall pass.