Saturday, 2 April 2016

Stop the world! I want to get off.

A slight feeling of unease. Can't seem to put my finger on it but it's here. Like a dark shadow in the room. And a quick look at the calender confirmed it! 

My birthday month now and the inner judging has started. And I always fail the inner tests. I do this twice a year, my birthday and year end. I should have realised that it would not be too good as year end 2015 was not a good one. It was a hide away from the world time and I find that I am doing that even more?

Where am I now? Better than this time last year? What have I achieved in the past year? And the answers are never favourable because I have not yet found a way to be kind to myself. I promise myself each time that I will find a way to be kinder but each time I can't seem to find a particular way to do this. I expect others to listen to me when I tell them to good things about them, all the lofty heights they have reached with little or no encouragement from the outside world. So, why is it hard for me to listen to them? Or even harder to listen to myself? 

So I will put it out here.
In the past year:
I have made amazing friends 
I have moved the children further down the line on their journey in the world with great results. 
We finally finished the loft extension and the children are in their own rooms. 
And we are still all alive.

But the nagging bits still remain. I shall not give them the light of day and will keep them hidden. There they shall stay, unacknowledged and hopefully will fizzle away without the light to give them life. Until then, one of my favourite phrases: And this too shall pass.

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