Keresimesi Odun de O

This has to be my most unfestive Christmas ever. Since we rejigged the sitting room, I decided we had no space for the usual large tree so bought a small tree from John Lewis online. This took a whole week to deliver and when it arrived, was described by my sister and my friend as a shrub! So the big tree came out but mysteriously all the decorations have vanished from the loft. Put some baubles and lights on, but the tree looks as festive as I feel. Lopes has loads of presents under the tree so I am glad I got the big tree out. Would have looked a bit strange with the shrub!

Altering naapali's words, She left me.... my Christmas spirit.

What I need is a recording of the old Christmas songs Nija style like:

Keresimesi Odun de O
Keresimesi Odun de O
Odun Olowo, Odun Olomo
Keresimesi Odun de O

Googled the song title and found this choral rendition
http://www.tradebit.com/filedetail.php/1653810-Music-Classical


Skipping my usual introspection this time for loads of reasons including

• It's depressing. It is a conscious introspection but it depresses me so I am not going to do it. No point is sitting and wondering what I have or have not achieved in the last year so I refuse :)

• Have had a busy week with my nieces visiting. 3 girls including Lopes leave little time for quiet thought. They have had so much fun and I am quite pleased as I know they are building good memories.
  

So I am sitting here listening to Micheal Buble and Boyz to Men in a quiet house as Lopes, BabaLopes and GrandmaLopes have gone shopping for a present for Lopes. Off to mix some Chapman and season the bird.

So here is to 2008, the best year yet.

And here we go again.

And so the slow slide into my twice yearly introspection begins. It’s usually not pretty and I tend to wallow a bit. I do this once at the end of the year and again when my birthday is approaching. For those who like to plan ahead and book flowers in advance, I will be 35 on the 28th of April. 35 seems a bit more significant as it’s halfway though the allotted Three score and ten years and I am not going to wait till I am 40 and find that I am still a bit of a fool.

Loads of questions are asked and I never seem to have answers to them. So this year, I thought I would share my questions.

What have I achieved so far?
I usually take the glass half empty stand but I am forcing myself to look at the positive. I have a lovely daughter, a husband I think I undervalue a lot, food to eat (It has been said that the contents of both my freezers can see us through a 3 month famine:), a roof over my head and love in my heart. So why I do I still feel empty and very tired. There is something missing and all I have so far cannot fill the chasm. This leads me on to my second question.

Am I where I thought I would be?
No. I have to accept that the standards I set for myself are a bit tough. I need to accept that my aspirations have to be achievable else I am setting myself up to fail. So I will try the no expectations route for 6 months.

Why am I still overweight?
I have the answer to this in an Oprah Aha moment and will blog about this soon) Bottom line, I do not like myself enough.

Why am I not happy?
Dunno.


Hey ho. One day, it will all come together and I will look back and think I was such a fool to beat myself up over things I really had no business worrying about. So again, my late grandpa’s words ring true “And this too shall pass”

One thing I have strongly resolved to do is to speak my mind clearly to all without the room for misinterpretation. My friend Bernie said I did this a lot when I was pregnant and has sworn to flee the country when next I tell her I am pregnant! I think the time has come in my life to cut out all the deadwood and things that do not add to me. Sounds selfish but having spent the previous 35 years being the nice girl, the gloves are off. Sounds ominous. What this space for the fallout!!


Resolution for April
Do at least 2 things I have wanted to do and never did. Outlandish ideas welcome.