And so the slow slide into my twice yearly introspection begins. It’s usually not pretty and I tend to wallow a bit. I do this once at the end of the year and again when my birthday is approaching. For those who like to plan ahead and book flowers in advance, I will be 35 on the 28th of April. 35 seems a bit more significant as it’s halfway though the allotted Three score and ten years and I am not going to wait till I am 40 and find that I am still a bit of a fool.
Loads of questions are asked and I never seem to have answers to them. So this year, I thought I would share my questions.
What have I achieved so far?
I usually take the glass half empty stand but I am forcing myself to look at the positive. I have a lovely daughter, a husband I think I undervalue a lot, food to eat (It has been said that the contents of both my freezers can see us through a 3 month famine:), a roof over my head and love in my heart. So why I do I still feel empty and very tired. There is something missing and all I have so far cannot fill the chasm. This leads me on to my second question.
Am I where I thought I would be?
No. I have to accept that the standards I set for myself are a bit tough. I need to accept that my aspirations have to be achievable else I am setting myself up to fail. So I will try the no expectations route for 6 months.
Why am I still overweight?
I have the answer to this in an Oprah Aha moment and will blog about this soon) Bottom line, I do not like myself enough.
Why am I not happy?
Dunno.
Hey ho. One day, it will all come together and I will look back and think I was such a fool to beat myself up over things I really had no business worrying about. So again, my late grandpa’s words ring true “And this too shall pass”
One thing I have strongly resolved to do is to speak my mind clearly to all without the room for misinterpretation. My friend Bernie said I did this a lot when I was pregnant and has sworn to flee the country when next I tell her I am pregnant! I think the time has come in my life to cut out all the deadwood and things that do not add to me. Sounds selfish but having spent the previous 35 years being the nice girl, the gloves are off. Sounds ominous. What this space for the fallout!!
Resolution for April
Do at least 2 things I have wanted to do and never did. Outlandish ideas welcome.
10 comments:
I'll certainly plan ahead and prepare my tummy to come over for 'small chops'. (smile)
I'm waiting for th epost on the Oprah Aha moment.
my my. yep I remember your preggie state of mind. Ver scary :-) Are you sure you are not preggie now ?
I have always wondered about the overweight thing. Though i dont think its because you dont like yourself, so i am looking forward to the oprah ahhh moment also
...keep looking forward! So you are not too content about now, okay then, start making plans for the future to get you out of that feeling! As long as you start the ball rolling, you'll feel you doing something, that's always enough to get me out of a rut.
as for ideas of stuff to do...sky-diving anyone! (just joking, I've heard it is very very very exhilarating...) Someone we both know showed me a video of his experience.... The day he did it, his wife got on the phone to his parents to say...come and see what you son, whats to do oh!
I personally would love to visit within my life time all the 7 wonders of the world.... just to stand and be in awe of creation.
Wow-
You really have to think deeply about why you are unhappy. You have a lovely home, family and you are healthy.
Thiink deeply aboput why you are unhappy and that might be the first step to correcting things.
Is this blog dead? Should I delete it from my 'fav blog' list? I'm tired of checking to find nothing and I KNOW a lot has been going on with you. Update before I report you to blogger and they delete your account.
Happy birthday in advance and a very late welcome to blogging! You are a birthday mate of 2 of my best gals... hope you have fun on the 28th!
I ditto you on all your answers (except the being overweight one). To take my mind of thoughts like this, I have just started a gratitude journal. Perhaps you might want to give it a go as well.
I also have a friend called Bernie. Hmm, I wonder if it's one and the same person....
@CG. Low carb small chops :)
@JD. Oprah Aha moment coming up
@roz. Ball rolling and I am running as fast as I can.
@bluntremi. Hmm. Deep thoughts are in process but deep down I am not sure I want the real answers.
@Omara. Update cominn up.Report me to blogger. Oooh. I am scared :)
@Nyemoni. Thanks for dropping by and the good wishes.
@PTS. Getting a bit more upbeat and will do the gratitude diary and start it off with a I am grateful blog. Hmm. Bernie, yup one and the same :)
Madame Kemi, seeing as I don't have your email address, can I use a few lines from your blog for a devotional I'm writing on fulfilment? Your identity will remain secret but I need your permission to reprint it. I beg, email me. Ta.
Interesting to know.
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