...from a great height and hit me with a resounding bang.
I love my husband and care about his feelings more that he does mine. Why the journey to Damascus revelation? Many things have happened over the years and I have shaken them off but last night was the last straw.
Friends of ours were having a party for their daughter and I stayed home as my sister was coming over for the weekend with her children. Anyway a party for one year old twins should finish early right? Wrong, at midnight, I called DH to ask where he was and he mentioned that he was in a pub with some friends. No problem, more gisting time with my sis. At around 2am, I was about to go to bed and decided to see if he was alright as we had had really bad weather in London with trees falling over and flattening cars. Anyway kept trying intermittently between 2 and 5am, with no response, and was beside myself with worry.
Then DH saunters in and asks why I was not asleep! Now, don't get me wrong, I do like my husband going out as I love "me time" but there is an air of irresponsibility and my being taken for granted. He has been out about 3 nights this week and I knew he would be late then so I went to bed but getting home at 5am from a party for 2 one year olds. Well that is taking the piss just a bit.
So my dilemma, or as Jade from Big Brother's mum says, my dimella is Should I stay or should I go. It does seem like killing a fly with a sledgehammer but this has niggled for a long time. You know the little niggles that equate to looking back at life and regretting the complacent and steady life devoid of spark and passion. This lack of consideration, which has in the past being inconsequential, was the last straw. Hmm, I wonder....
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2 comments:
STAY!
I know I could have no idea about what's been going on in your marriage...perhaps tell more?!... but it does sound a bit like hitting the fly with the sledgehammer to me!
He was very inconsiderate... but maybe it's time to sit him down, have a really good talk to him, and give him a chance to mend his ways!
Marriage can be very difficult... belive me I know!... but sometimes you just have to get on with it and accept the person for who they are!
It can be unfair to say you love him more, or think more of his feelings... you can never know what's in his heart! Really think about the good things... your daughter... your recent holiday... and try to work things out.
Maybe you need to work thru some of the issues you have with him? Get advice from people on how to address some of these issues? Try and address them... then ONLY if all else fails, consider your future together!
Most things are salvageable (sp?)... with a lot of work... and Faith!
Please tell more?! I'm not a gossip... honest... just would like to know what lead to this sudden "penny drop"... of course you were probably just pissed and didn't mean what you said at all?
Thanks for the wise words. The answer really lies within.
I guess I am unhappy with myself and what I have become. You now when you were growing up and had great dreams for yourself and this included the husband who will sweep you of your feet and profess undying love, yeah, I had rose tinted specs :) But I do like flowers and random acts of affection and I am getting NONE.
After loads of phone theraphy with one of the few friends who actually tell it as it is, we did identify that I cannot hold my husband 100% responsible to for is going on with me. He might have a part to play but he can't be solely responsible.
He did apologise which is a first in our marriage but I guess taking off my wedding rings(still not wearing them) and being ever so civil and still cooking dinner. Normally, if I am angry, it's usually a total shutdown. When we spoke about it, I said I thought he was dead under a windswept tree and I was so worried and he thought when I spoke to him earlier, I dropped the phone, so he was sulking really. I guess the verse should be change to "My people perish for lack of communication skills"!
We have had loads of good times and our daughter is an absolute joy, the best kind to have as a first child, really calm. Saying I love him more than he does me is really showing the differences between us. I am effusive, very touchy feely and was brought up in an affectionate home with all girl siblings. We were very vocal with our affections and his upbringing is the exact opposite. Very standoffish and all boys. But sometimes, just sometimes, I would like a lil bit more and I guessI expect him to be a mindreader.
So I have dusted myself down, will be ordering a skip to declutter my house, get new storage, we are heading to the shops, finally get some driving lessons and stop eating too much. Also, If I do not turn up at church on Sunday, my friend will also kill me!
Then I am going away for a me weekend which is a hotel with room service and loads of books. But I am supposed to stop eating, why does good life revolve around food???
As well as the problem being within, the answer is also within. I just need to root round and find the woman I used to be. Thanks for listening. All your fault, you did say I should tell you more :)
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